Catastrophuck

Written a few days ago but never got around to posting it.

Work was a pain. I'm glad I'm in the back usually, because we rarely are the problem. The FOH staff screw up... bad... and often... but not last night.

Last night, we had a full house, and everyone was on top of their game until we realised that the prep cook wasn't in this morning! So everyone is pissed at chef because it's his job to stay on top of things, but he was super hung over earlier and didn't check. SO fuck. We had to change our special midshift, after we had 4 or 5 orders for it that we had to cancel. We started getting behind, yelling ensued, a dishwasher walked out, the manager got in on it, the FOH staff was super pissed...

Then I dropped a steak. A well done (which to me is no longer a steak, but the price is the same) steak, fully plated. So shit...

We eventually got our shit together and finished the night (thank dog i didn't have to close) but i still had to deal with the fallout of the steak. Sure there was yelling and swearing at the time (super professional btw guys when the kitchen is visible to the guests). Afterwards i got a pretty severe talking too while my boss chain smoked. Alright it mostly wasn't directed at me, but my name was thrown in there a lot with a few choice words. That stung.

In the past i'd hardly care, but now that i've been working there for... almost 8 months or so i've started to become invested in that job... it's not a bad restaurant to work for, and i think it's actually stoking some creativity in the meals i cook at homo sweet home. Sometimes i think i should go be a chef, but i like food too much and fear that i'll get angry with all having to deal with it all day longface...

AND SCENE

hokay so that was what i'd written towards the last few days of the olympics, things have gotten sorted in teh kitchen (prep cook fired) new one had one shift, didn't show up again, so here comes another one!

I may've seen Mark again, and i'm only slightly concerned with the attraction i'm feeling... it reminds me of the stuff i used to write in hs, about all the shit he used to put me through... i'll post one later, i just have to find the one i'm thinking of.

So the gist of the writing is that even though we know we liked each other (which i'll remind you grew out of lust) we couldn't express it. And while we were SUPER-MEGA-ULTRA-different(sorry was watching digimon earlier) we were really very similar.

Maybe i'm doing that thing i'm good at where i make excuses for a person i fall for (we all do it, but i'm bestest at it) and we lie to ourselves. Maybe i only miss the feeling of being baby gay and finding my first bf and all the adversity or starcrossed lovers and the like, the hot and heaviness of it... the excitement of just seeing him... but then i actually see him and think, no he's a terriffic person and things are different now...

Anita is a little distant right now i think she misses her little drummer boy (he was in a band how cute is that?), he doesn't have fb so little o-face annie is discouraged but they have msn. i think she likes him a lot, to the point where she met his parents

Some context, Anita keeps everyone at a distance because she doesn't like getting hurt, (one day i'll tell you the story of our dis-fuck-tional relationship). Well, that's my opinion of the matter Anita may now tear a strip out of me. So by her letting someone get familiar enough to warrant a sitcom-esque meet the parents style dinner extravaganza is pretty significant. i'm rooting for her, and hope that he's good to her (even if they are on other sides of the world...)

i should have a clever sign off

You know what I like about Appa?

His sense of humour!

Hello children, I'll be your entertainment early this morning...

Let me just say, Avatar (the last airbender) not the other one, is key.

Also my douche of a roomate decided that he should let the world wide web about me getting all tied up w/ my lovely foreign lover... He's into it, I thought it was a good time, not sure I'll do it again... after he leaves I mean. (sigh, but he drives me crazy!)

It's a shame though, I mean I did enter into the... (OMG i was just going to say relationship) situation because it would've been a one time thing, but when you throw yourself at the world with such reckless abandon it has a weird way of... surprising you I guess...

Waffles mentioned his ex is back from outer space, I just walked in to find you hear with that sad look upon your face... Gloria is key btw... I'll give him the benefit of the doubt for now, mark i mean, waffles is crazy and i don't trust his judgement for a second. I will however mention that he wasn't the only one to have a secret bf in hs...

I don't really want to get into origins pt deux, mostly because i'm off to make up w/ my roomate, we haven't seen each other (for any appreciable period of time) in about a week so i figure we should talk and drink and spoon...

you're all a bunch of slags
Duchess Anita Fisten-Botten

FLAMER

So look at me, 2 posts, 1 day (much better than that 2 girls 1 cup everyone seemed so fond of)...

Anyway, I don't really want to spend too much time being all socially responsible, but i read an incendiary little piece about some people's aversions to a certain kind of gay...

Described as Flamers, these bombastic individuals live by their own rules. They're loud and they're proud but what have they done for us lately? I mean besides being the big gay face of our modern movement.

While they are paraded around TV as the sexual (yet sexless), nasal, and flippant figures like Jack from W&G or Mark from Ugly Betty, you must realise that they aren't real. They are machinations of the entertainment industry and while some characters are becoming increasingly deep, they are still just characters.

Unfortunately, the real world doesn't realise this. Who do we blame? The flamers. Why? Because they're just so damn (pick one) loud/femme/different/bitchy... Not the people that distort our perception of people into 2-D characters, not the ones that exploit internalised xenophobia, not the people who make millions off of the sensationalised charicatures.

Now can people be annoying? Yes, but let's not stereotype, i think it causes global warming or something... It undermines our fight for gay rights, because as long as we hate each other (groundlessly) we can't unify, we can't look to each other for strength, we can't form bonds of community... fuck, now i'm just going around in circles...better cut this short and sleep...

let the internet flame fight about flamers begin! (i kid, Earl and Anita agree with me and let's face facts, they be the ones who read this... maybe)

Sex w/ Ex's

So sorry my many followers that I haven't been able to post here in what seems like lifetimes (to everyone but Old Earl who I think was around during the first world war). ANyway, been busy at work

Q: Waffles where do you work?
A: at a restaurant! (i'm being all mysterious because i don't want to have too many stalkers following me around)

Speaking of stalkers one of my ex's called me recently which is unusual. Well no, the calling wasn't unusual because we're still on good terms, dare i say, we're almost friends. No the weird thing is that i have an ex at all...

I'm good at saying things which need to be clarified, so let me explain. I don't usually date people. I've dated one, perhaps two people in ma life (apart from girls, in HS i was all about the dating of girls, mostly for the social aspect but sometimes there were some feelings, sorta, if i strain my eyes...) ANyway, i dated Anita, briefly, but that didn't work out so we don't count her, and we still sleep in the same bed but there is no touching. Unless we're both really drunk, then we spoon. (btw Anita has been tied up with her foriegn beau, literally, I walked in on them and she was tied up)... Anyway^2, the only other person i dated was named Mark, (how dull is that?!?) he was butch which was weird for me because he was always talking about the game or whatnot and I was like "cool, their outfits were nice..." or something just to immasculate him, but anyway, he was from ma hometown and we were secret bf's, my dad didn't understand why we were friends really and in hindsight I didn't either. BUT the important thing is that it happened and for the first 2-3 weeks when we did see each other, the feelings were so intense, just thinking of him made me blush and get all kinds of 'excited'

He would come over, we'd play videogames, make out, fool around (we neva had the bum sex although he wanted me to top him, i just wasn't quite there). But after awhile we ran out of videogames to play and at about the same time people started asking questions and it all got too complicated so he called me a fag at school and I was done with it. We didn't speak for awhile (because i was heartbroken and he confessed that he was too, but it was too hard to be a couple).

ANYWAY, when I moved out here "for school" I came out of my shell (and closet) and started having adventures with my new friends here. Usually this meant dance/coffee/hook up with random some random people, but I didn't date. There were times when I did meet someone particularly fetching, and for a few days I would lust after them and call it love, but I (read: everyone but me) realised what I was doing and smacked me before I could make too many bad decisions.

Eventually Mark calls me and says he decided to take a job in town in december. So we go for coffee from time to time, and that usually ends up in bed (his bed is sooooo nice, it's the one gay thing he does properly, he has the nicest bed/sheets/comforter/pillows and its always super tidy), he's really relaxed since moving out here, he drops the butch act a little more too and I think he's entertaining the idea of actually going to celebrities with me sometime. He's be popular there, he's popular anywhere really, especially if he can take his shirt off (he wouldn't dare do that in public at a gay bar though).

Anita doesn't like me hooking up w/ him tho (just like I don't approve of her hooking up with her ex, ESP in ma bed!). Earl doesn't judge (because i'll call him old). My coworkers don't really get the dynamics, they think that the relationship ended for a reason and that it ended (but they don't really know the whole story). I don't really know why i'm writing this now, its kinda frenetic and disjointed, maybe I just think i need to justify my conduct (if only subconsciously). But I know I'm not doing anything wrong, Mark is sweet, but the underlying let's grab some beers and watch the big game (are all games The Big Game?) or am I imagining that? So if we're both available and not really dating anyone why not just 'help each other out'

'Help each other out' was how he suggested we fool around the first time. After doing that a few times it became our code for fooling around, then he asked me if I could help him out with something else... if we could be bfs... Hehe... Okay so i just got a little rush from that... Shit... I'm lusting after my ex...

Figure Skating

I'm watching figure skating w/ Earl and B (and Vivi is sitting in my lap asleep) and i'm trying to decide if a larger woman from say eastern europe may be able to do the lifts on the men, or would that be a nigel lythgoe of a gender no no? I mean, would that just throw a wrench into the farcical idea that figure skating men need to be butch?

Shame, the canadian pair didn't do so well, but the guy from dawson creek is pretty cute, i'd do him, which isn't saying much considering i've spent the last weekend with a cripply old man who thinks he's getting gangreene or somethingin his jaw, his adorable bf, and listening to my drag queen roomate talk about her foreign conquest.

I'm not terribly concerned tho, I'm meeting up with some people at the O tonight, hopefully I can have some fun tonight... Well no i don't want to hook up, I'd just like to be liked and what's the harm in that?

Apparently all you've got to do in figure skating is not fuck it up, which is a hard proposition for the teams thus far (canada, china, and russia have thus far screwed the pooch)... OH another canadian team... I'm slightly biased, I like the pride that comes with winning, like when the canucks win, but not when they lose, because as soon as they lose "oh shit those loser's suck"... and then everyone in town gets all band wagony...

Here comes Dube/Davison, I'd do him too... They're uniforms are somewhat dull and he needs a good shave... hopefully he doesn't take a skate to the face... canadian girl fell... China got gold and silver, germany bronze...

Apparently Anita's foreigner is super charming, Earl met him briefly, which makes me sulky, but don't tell her that... I'm going to get tea and lick my wounds

Hospitality

Hello Children,

I'm terribly sorry for my absence leaving you deeply enthralled in my story to be sure, but you're going to have to wait a little longer for my origin part 2...

In any case, I did get some this past weekend and it was good despite what my dear friend Waffles says. The boy's name is Jacques or something to that effect, and before you get all bent out of shape (like Waffles did) about me not remembering names or something, that isn't the case. In fact we met at the O, the music was loud and so was I, but poor little J, just a tourist in town for the Olympics (i think) was so quiet/accented (ugh i'm a sucker for a nice accent) that i couldn't not give him some Canadian hospitality.

So, I won't get too much into that, but he was a good kisser, really good... Like top ten I'd say. Maybe it was the way the Swisher Sweet mixed with his bavarian beer, but I liked it, muchly. He'll be here for another 2 weeks, but he's "WITH HIS PARENTS!" wtf? I did the quick math and nothing was illegal (in canada) and he is old enough to get into clubs so that's something. But really? You're parents? Granted this gave me a minor coronary the morning after because I could envision a big burly Russian father breaking down my door looking for his son so he could brutally murder the both of us, but that didn't happen (Mercy me does my imagination get away from me sometimes...) No, he's out to them and they apparently understand that he is prone to getting out and meeting the locals and all that.

He wants to meet for something casual tomorrow afternoon (i think he meant casual dinner not casual what we did last time) I just hope his parents don't want to meet me (more anxiety). I'll let you know how that goes later.

In the meantime, I hear Old-Man Grey is up and about again, which is good news because I figured this wisdom teeth thing would be milked ad naseum and he would be perpetually homebound (moreso than usual) but apparently the drugs did him wonders... Maybe all he needed was to have a little wisdom out.

Meanwhile, Waffles dearest, don't judge my conquests nor my ex, I'm a big girl and can hold my own.

You're all a bunch of slags,
Duchess Anita Fisten-Botten

Fraud

Anita dearest, make some better decisions.

No she didn't get with her ex, but she didn't get in with an Olympian either (just someone with an accent). It was cute, by it i mean him.

Old Earl is alright now, he's started eating regular food and doesn't need his T3's anymore (doesn't mean he isn't still taking them).

Oh well, I took in some revelry on the town after work today, (no fun gay convo's today) so I went to score for a drink w/ one of my favourite lezzies. She suggested I work there, but I don't think I've got the pecs (nor the sports iq) for it... I mean i'm not slouch, but I don't exactly make people drool over me :'(

Fuck it was busy! All over town, even the protesters were out in strong numbers, according to the news ~25k people. Good for them, I just dislike that everyone is ganging up on them (why can't they just let everyone enjoy the games, its not like they're going to stop the olympics from coming, they're just being attention whores...) Granted I don't know the full extent of the problems or the arguements on either side, but I think that if the Olympics are here, and they are causing civil rights issues, then they should be able to show these problems...

Anyway i'm over it

There are some nice looking tourists in town (even if they walk slowly, don't konw umberella ettiqutte, and don't tip). Case in point, today I was staring through the expo line at work and there was this gorgeous dark haired guy waiting to talk to his server and I just wanted to accost him... in a bienvenue sorta welcome to Canada way.

So I may go to english bay and hang out in the rain for a bit (I'm weird, I know) then I might stop in to Celebs or the O, for some gaiety and grinding... Hopefully Anita will want to join me in her usual full force.

Put down

Earl of grey is now out cold. Bout effing time too!

Jk I lurve him almost as much as I lurve Anita.

Except that tonight I've decided to stay the night on the old man's floor. (I believe his brother called dibs on the couch). This works out well I found out because Anita is entertaining tonight. She was very vague in her text but it read:

you need to not be here because I want to sleep with someone.

This sexiling is fine usually as I do it to her too, but usually there is notice given. And usually the notice is given because the sex was anticipated and not a hook-up. In my mind she met a hot snowboarder from Australia or something, and is doing him as we speak. Slightly worse is the possibility that the guy is not an Olympian and is actually robbing us. And the. Worst possible situation would be if her ex wanted a booty call.

Usually I don't judge because in my youth i'm more than a little ostentatious/slutty. But in the case of her ex...

The problem that I have with him is that he uses people/drugs/violence. Anita once spent a week wearing long sleeved shirts during the heat wave last summer (whereas I was wearing JUST underwear) in order to hide her bruises. She didn't press charges. Eff B and little Earl are home so I should prolly just go to bed...

She's a Ho

Anita dearest, your penchant for comic bookesque origin stories is pretty, sad *snap*

Anyway, old man Grey had his face ripped open and his wisdom teeth are outface... his gauze filled mouth is all bloody and he's asleep, but the way he's breathing is slightly irritating so i may put a pillow on his face just for some peace...

Ok so i'm probably not going to youthenise this oldie, but he's very squeemish so the blood might be too much for him.

Uncomfortable moment at work... Well not uncomfortable, and not weird, but still

Hostess: Waffles, I need to... I was wondering if... you're gay right?
Me: queer, but sure
Hostess: I thought queer was offensive
Me: Not really, but don't worry about that.
Hostess: Well, it's kind of embarassing (she was turning bright red) it's about my bf
Me: *whispers*Is he a gay?*whispers*
Hostess: WHAT? NO! You're silly...No, he wants to... omg... try anal.
Me: Oh... what kind?
Hostess: *panic* kind?
Me: Who is doing who?
Hostess: OH, he wants to do me
Me: Fun, except not quite the same I don't think, you lack a certain... prostate
Hostess: Does that make a difference?
Me: Oh yes...

So I spent some time telling her the in's and outs of her bum and I recommended that if he was going to do it, she should do him first, just for comparison's sake, just so he's aware its not exactly as... slippery as hetero-sex is...

SO, aspiring bottoms, some ground rules:

Diet
High fibre keeps you regular, and that helps to keep you clean, just saying

Condoms
Always, no negotiating, always

Practice makes perfect
Try exploring on your own beforehand, finger in the shower or something

During
RELAX! Don't worry, it will hurt the first few times/for the first bit, but RELAX because it gets much better


AND TOPS:
Be patient, the bottom is going to need your patience because it WILL hurt the bottom, and be open to try it yourself, its a LOT of fun, so don't limit yourself

The Real Hangover

Hello children
I'm Anita and I'll be your entertainment this morning, or I'll try to be. You see, yesterday as my wonderful Waffles pointed out, I was drinking last night... Heavily... So two bottles later, I managed to pass out in bed and like the dainty little thing I am, I took up the entire bed so my dearest Waffles slept on the couch because he doesn't like me when he's sober...

Anyway, as I said I'm Anita, how I became the wonderful creature you see (read: read) is a long story. Since I'm feeling hungover, depressed, and the glare on the computer screen is turned down I'll mention a little about myself.

It all started a long long time ago in a galaxy far far away... (Edmonton, 2002-ish)

It was as warm as could be expected and my friends and I were going to West Edmonton Mall to cool off at the wave pool. There were 3 boys and myself, amongst them was Charlie who had been my best friend (to be explained later). My former best friend, had invited some of the girls from our grade too because he bloomed early and already had his mind on such things. Not that any of the girls our age (~13) were particularly interesting/attractive/fabulous, but since Charlie wasn't either it didn't matter. There were three or four girls with Charlie and I... I think that's all the relevant stuff.

Anyway, changed into some monstrous tropical floral printed board shorts and went into the pool with everyone else. We went on slides, hung out in the wave pool, I talked with some of the girls who were really very nice and some of them even had the bosoms (some guy from my middle school called them 'the bosoms' it caught on). Around noon we were hanging out in the shallow end of the wave pool when someone noticed that Charlie was missing. We didn't think anything of it until someone suggested that he was in the locker room rocking his rooster (another colourful euphemism). The girls were grossed out, and the boys were laying it on shamefully thick making all kinds of icky jokes.

...and that is how rumours get started.

Charlie got a reputation after that. IMMEDIATELY after that. Like the other guys didn't want to go into the change room with him because he was going to be jerking, after that. Anyway, by Monday at school most people were making jokes and Charlie still didn't know about it. Whispers were everywhere and soon he had essentially earned himself a scarlet letter.

Despite all the rumours and jokes, when Charlie found out he kept his bravado, he made it work. My (alleged) part in all this however, came to light later.

Someone told Charlie that I was the one saying it (juevenile but we were 13) and when he asked me and I denied it, because I really didn't say anything, because the last thing I wanted to talk about was Charlie and his dick, because i didn't like thinking about his dick, because secretly I was breaking the first rule of friendship which states...

Thou shalt not covet thy best friends ass, genitals, chesticles, or body in any appreciable way. This extends to parents and siblings.

So yes, secret shame, I liked my (former) best friend. Which was wrong enough (i know what happened to Dawson and Joey)... Anyway it get's very unlady-like after that point. So I should probably leave it for the time being, needless to say it ends up destroying me though...

You're all a bunch of slags,
Duchess Anita Fisten-Botten

Waffles

Hi, i am Waffles

i hope you like this/my blog

refrigerator

Haiku aside, my friend the Earl of Grey told me about his blog, and i read it, and i read the story he wrote and i found it familiar to say the least. Anyway, he said he was enjoying his blogface and i thought i'd give it a go.

My roomate/lover is watching some bootlegged movie and drinking wine, she's sweet, but forgetful

Anita: You should be drinking wine
Waffles: You should be drinking less
Anita: If you drink some, I'll have less to drink
Waffles: Would you give me some wine?
Anita: Not on your life
Waffles: Didn't think so

She's humming to herself, beautiful disaster i think, she was listening to kelly clarkson today when i left for work. She's a beautiful disaster. When I got home from work she was crying and drinking because i think she had talked to:

a) her family with whom she doesn't get along with
b) her ex-boyfriend whom she doesn't get along with but still sleeps with sometimes
or c) some combination of the two

i didn't ask, not because i didn't care, but because i knew it would only make me and her more upset. I called my family today and they asked me how school was going... I haven't told them that i'm not going to school, or that i'm staying in east van in a bachelor suite w/ anita, something tells me they wouldn't approve.

i'll let her explain her business

Mine is that i didn't actually want to go to schoolface, not yet anyway. I really didn't have the motivation to after highschool. Not until i had some fun first, earl had something to do with that one

i'll let him explain his business

anyway, i hope you learn to love my work (and don't mind my drunken wench of a roomate)

waffles