Ennui

Hello Children

Another dialled down day, work was stupid and i don't even want to talk about it, you can't make me, really? you mean you're wanting to hear about it? Oh, I suppose so.

The tale of Anita the Fabulous Bike Messanger

Okay so I don't ride a mf broom, deal with it. I would if i could tho. Anyway, I started work at 8, and was hoping to relax for a bit dt before the lazy SOB's in the offices started paging. Just got a coffee and was sitting with ma bike when i was given my marching orders.

The first order of the day was a single envelope from one company to their lawyers across the street, it was Priority 1. No joke, these people couldn't get off their own asses to deliver their own fucking letter which probably said:

dear evil lawyer
thank you so much for giving our company the legal rights to destroy the environment and kill babies and make a fortune doing it

sincerely
a fat douche

That is how i picture the people i deliver for. But since all I ever see is their tired looking secretary administrative assistant, I wouldn't know. Granted I do enjoy one building dt, it's right above pacific centre and the guy on the 15th floor makes it worth the while, too bad i can't always go there...

Anyway, job 1 went off without a hitch, job two was for a company near GM place. I went in there and picked up a couple of letters but this old lady started reaming me out.

Apparently the last messenger didn't deliver them fast enough (i wanted to point out that yelling at me is only going to slow me down). I couldn't help but think of the old woman with the shoe that was an obstacle in Paperboy (for the nintendo)

Anyway, despite my ability to get my job done, i still felt lousey afterwards. (not even crisp air, endorphines, and caffiene could pick me up) The rest of the day wasn't too bad tho

I did go to tea with earl, he listened to me bitch about how i've been extra bitchy lately (he concurred).

earl: what have yuo been eating lately?
afb: bitch please do i look like i've been eating?
earl: *bitch please stare*
afb: not great i guess, coffee for breakfast, fruit and sandwich throughout the day, then whatever we have at home
earl: well i find that not eating enough coupled with too much sugar and not enough sleep makes me go a little crazy... i can only imagine what it would do to you

for all my fabulous bravado, i listened to earl, maybe that's all i'm missing, no sleep and no food makes annie go something something... but i don't think so, and earl knew it too i bet... he just didn't want to admit the futility of my absent swiss choclatier (little J we'll call him). He said he wants to come back when his spring term is over, but i felt guilty about that, me guilty, can you imagine?

these real emotions are a pain, maybe i'll just go to C's bday party at the O on sat and forget all my troubles with a bottle of fun (followed by a bottle of self-pity, then one of remorse)

you're all a bunch of slags
Duchess Anita Fisten-Botten

Nice Eyes

smiles are nice, but i like eyes, i'm a sucker for them...

my great-aunt (a fab old lady who reminds me of a combo of anita and earl in hair curlers) used to rant (between the cigarettes) about all manner of things, included in these things was her claim that she could tell everything about a person from their eyes...

after that i didn't want to look at her in the eyes if i could help it, and she winked at me and said she wouldn't tell anyone. Freaked me out, because i wasn't sure whether she was full of shit or not... but i was in an early stage of being a baby gay so i didn't want her to figure it out before i had the opportunity to figure it out...

so what do eyes say about a person? gateway to the soul and all that jazz?

you be the judge



mmmm, lurve those eyes it's getting me all hot and bothered

anita has some nice eyes, really nice, light blue almost grey, very serene but still have a twinkle of magic to them

earl's eyes, once you get past the crows feet and bags, also nice, but more sagely (still may be the bags+crow feet)

there, no longer hot and bothered...

i still need a sign-off

Hangover...

Hello Children

Everyone's favourite queen is back... albeit slightly diminished... Well hungover at any rate, Waffles says I've gone soft... maybe i have but I'll still cut you!

Anyway, i'm not hungover right now (I only had 1 bottle of wine last night and that is NOT enough), not really anyway, more like a life hangover. The olympics are over and while I didn't really get caught up in whipping out medals or the like, I did have fun.

So as waffles said i was seeing a boy over the past two weeks, now he's gone and i'm actually upset (especially considering it was just supposed to be a one night stand)...

I'm not really sure what it was about him, perhaps that he was so exotic (yes europe is exotic to a ho like me)... it turns out he was swiss (sort of) but lives in paris and glasgow (one for school one for parents). His family has some kind of chocolate fortune (which is as delicious as it sounds). But despite being wonderfully eurotrash and upper class, he doesn't act it, in fact he slums it so well I thought he was going to rob me in my sleep.

*swoon* he didn't rob me though...

i talked to him last night (may've gotten a calling card or five) and he said he was settling back into life, but he missed me... what a fucking prick.

k i have to be more coherent... i'd say it was my time of the month or that i'm knocked up but i think i may actually just be having real emotions for a change.

I didn't think that was possible but here I am. Maybe I'll talk to earl or one of my lady friends about it, they're pretty good with real things.

Dear Diary
The first person I have actual emotions for left the continent. I tell myself that it's for the better that I can go back to my real life, but I think I really liked him. A lot...

I'm the slag
Anita F-B

Helping out

(910):
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.

reading texts from last night is fun... sometimes i wonder if i've ever sent anything that patheti-funny... i doubt it... unless i was too drunk to remember...

i didn't watch the oscars last night (save you're hissing queens) i was at work. it wasn't super busy, but i didn't feel too enthused to be there, mostly because lately i've been spending some time... (read: too much time) with Mark, he seems to be doing well in van, let's face it his personality is far more conducive to meeting, interesting, or some combination of the two, people...

let's face it if i didn't meet up with anita that one fatefull night i would be far different. i'd probably be in school for one, being dull^2 every night, find a job i hate, live a miserable existance and die alone...

although Mark would still move here... sigh, he's so pretty. We usually end up hooking up when we hang out, but i think i should tell himface how i feel so that he doesn't realise how much better he could do... it's a good thing the gayest bar we've been to in van was in a moxies (and not even the one on davie) otherwise the guys would be all over him... fuck

Catastrophuck

Written a few days ago but never got around to posting it.

Work was a pain. I'm glad I'm in the back usually, because we rarely are the problem. The FOH staff screw up... bad... and often... but not last night.

Last night, we had a full house, and everyone was on top of their game until we realised that the prep cook wasn't in this morning! So everyone is pissed at chef because it's his job to stay on top of things, but he was super hung over earlier and didn't check. SO fuck. We had to change our special midshift, after we had 4 or 5 orders for it that we had to cancel. We started getting behind, yelling ensued, a dishwasher walked out, the manager got in on it, the FOH staff was super pissed...

Then I dropped a steak. A well done (which to me is no longer a steak, but the price is the same) steak, fully plated. So shit...

We eventually got our shit together and finished the night (thank dog i didn't have to close) but i still had to deal with the fallout of the steak. Sure there was yelling and swearing at the time (super professional btw guys when the kitchen is visible to the guests). Afterwards i got a pretty severe talking too while my boss chain smoked. Alright it mostly wasn't directed at me, but my name was thrown in there a lot with a few choice words. That stung.

In the past i'd hardly care, but now that i've been working there for... almost 8 months or so i've started to become invested in that job... it's not a bad restaurant to work for, and i think it's actually stoking some creativity in the meals i cook at homo sweet home. Sometimes i think i should go be a chef, but i like food too much and fear that i'll get angry with all having to deal with it all day longface...

AND SCENE

hokay so that was what i'd written towards the last few days of the olympics, things have gotten sorted in teh kitchen (prep cook fired) new one had one shift, didn't show up again, so here comes another one!

I may've seen Mark again, and i'm only slightly concerned with the attraction i'm feeling... it reminds me of the stuff i used to write in hs, about all the shit he used to put me through... i'll post one later, i just have to find the one i'm thinking of.

So the gist of the writing is that even though we know we liked each other (which i'll remind you grew out of lust) we couldn't express it. And while we were SUPER-MEGA-ULTRA-different(sorry was watching digimon earlier) we were really very similar.

Maybe i'm doing that thing i'm good at where i make excuses for a person i fall for (we all do it, but i'm bestest at it) and we lie to ourselves. Maybe i only miss the feeling of being baby gay and finding my first bf and all the adversity or starcrossed lovers and the like, the hot and heaviness of it... the excitement of just seeing him... but then i actually see him and think, no he's a terriffic person and things are different now...

Anita is a little distant right now i think she misses her little drummer boy (he was in a band how cute is that?), he doesn't have fb so little o-face annie is discouraged but they have msn. i think she likes him a lot, to the point where she met his parents

Some context, Anita keeps everyone at a distance because she doesn't like getting hurt, (one day i'll tell you the story of our dis-fuck-tional relationship). Well, that's my opinion of the matter Anita may now tear a strip out of me. So by her letting someone get familiar enough to warrant a sitcom-esque meet the parents style dinner extravaganza is pretty significant. i'm rooting for her, and hope that he's good to her (even if they are on other sides of the world...)

i should have a clever sign off

You know what I like about Appa?

His sense of humour!

Hello children, I'll be your entertainment early this morning...

Let me just say, Avatar (the last airbender) not the other one, is key.

Also my douche of a roomate decided that he should let the world wide web about me getting all tied up w/ my lovely foreign lover... He's into it, I thought it was a good time, not sure I'll do it again... after he leaves I mean. (sigh, but he drives me crazy!)

It's a shame though, I mean I did enter into the... (OMG i was just going to say relationship) situation because it would've been a one time thing, but when you throw yourself at the world with such reckless abandon it has a weird way of... surprising you I guess...

Waffles mentioned his ex is back from outer space, I just walked in to find you hear with that sad look upon your face... Gloria is key btw... I'll give him the benefit of the doubt for now, mark i mean, waffles is crazy and i don't trust his judgement for a second. I will however mention that he wasn't the only one to have a secret bf in hs...

I don't really want to get into origins pt deux, mostly because i'm off to make up w/ my roomate, we haven't seen each other (for any appreciable period of time) in about a week so i figure we should talk and drink and spoon...

you're all a bunch of slags
Duchess Anita Fisten-Botten

FLAMER

So look at me, 2 posts, 1 day (much better than that 2 girls 1 cup everyone seemed so fond of)...

Anyway, I don't really want to spend too much time being all socially responsible, but i read an incendiary little piece about some people's aversions to a certain kind of gay...

Described as Flamers, these bombastic individuals live by their own rules. They're loud and they're proud but what have they done for us lately? I mean besides being the big gay face of our modern movement.

While they are paraded around TV as the sexual (yet sexless), nasal, and flippant figures like Jack from W&G or Mark from Ugly Betty, you must realise that they aren't real. They are machinations of the entertainment industry and while some characters are becoming increasingly deep, they are still just characters.

Unfortunately, the real world doesn't realise this. Who do we blame? The flamers. Why? Because they're just so damn (pick one) loud/femme/different/bitchy... Not the people that distort our perception of people into 2-D characters, not the ones that exploit internalised xenophobia, not the people who make millions off of the sensationalised charicatures.

Now can people be annoying? Yes, but let's not stereotype, i think it causes global warming or something... It undermines our fight for gay rights, because as long as we hate each other (groundlessly) we can't unify, we can't look to each other for strength, we can't form bonds of community... fuck, now i'm just going around in circles...better cut this short and sleep...

let the internet flame fight about flamers begin! (i kid, Earl and Anita agree with me and let's face facts, they be the ones who read this... maybe)