Exiled

i'm back at home now (living at mark's was getting to be too difficult with our schedules and figuring out who's going to need the key when) bah... but it was a good time. Well, there were some minor issues, but i'll get into that in more detail laterface.

First, Anita is still sick, but she's getting better. Her nose is all icky and leaky, and she sounds like a 60 year old smoker. Nevertheless she's braving work again (which is bold because its cold and wet outside and she's going to probably die a little bit) but she's a tough ladyboy. The house was a mess, but since we only have the one room we (read: i) was able to clean it up enough that it is liveable again.

Speaking of living, I asked Mark how he is able to afford living in Van... and he basically said his parents helped him move in and bought the furniture and blah blah blah all but pay his rent/food/bills. It's a nice thing to do and it allowed him to move here, but i can't help but feel a little, jealous.

My parents aren't that well off so most everthing i've got is my own (except for a few hand em downs) and i've been working since i.... alright so i edited my complaints down so i don't seem like such a paperbag princess.

Also, Mark is out to his parents! i can't even believe it... he always said that he would never be out, that it didn't suit his lifestyle (him being a jock or some nonsense) and yet here he is... i guess people change. He didn't seem to think it was that big of a deal and his parents got over it fairly well. He started talking about how he told them and all the obligatory emotions that went along with it... and then there was a silence and he was waiting/hoping to hear my coming out story and i had to confess that i wasn't out...

Secret shame, i'm still in the closet. I know it's not unheard of at my age, but at the same time I'm really ok with being queer it's just that i've seen how it turned out for anita and i can't bring myself to do it.

It'll have to happen eventually, i know that, but not yet...

Mark was a little disappointed in me i think, (he didn't say it, but he definately was acting differently afterwards). he did give me a hug tho which was more emotional than usual (usally means the hugging is lusty and precursor to same-sex sex... which happened later anyway but that's besides the point)

so i feel weird, my ex is clearly out queering me (despite the fact that he has yet to go to a real gay club and that i live w/ a drag queen), i still like him as more than just friends (w/ benefits), and all i want to do is lay in bed and jerk off to adam's song by blink 182...

alright that's a fucked up visual

i still need a sign off...