I'm Anita and I'll be your entertainment this morning, or I'll try to be. You see, yesterday as my wonderful Waffles pointed out, I was drinking last night... Heavily... So two bottles later, I managed to pass out in bed and like the dainty little thing I am, I took up the entire bed so my dearest Waffles slept on the couch because he doesn't like me when he's sober...
Anyway, as I said I'm Anita, how I became the wonderful creature you see (read: read) is a long story. Since I'm feeling hungover, depressed, and the glare on the computer screen is turned down I'll mention a little about myself.
It all started a long long time ago in a galaxy far far away... (Edmonton, 2002-ish)
It was as warm as could be expected and my friends and I were going to West Edmonton Mall to cool off at the wave pool. There were 3 boys and myself, amongst them was Charlie who had been my best friend (to be explained later). My former best friend, had invited some of the girls from our grade too because he bloomed early and already had his mind on such things. Not that any of the girls our age (~13) were particularly interesting/attractive/fabulous, but since Charlie wasn't either it didn't matter. There were three or four girls with Charlie and I... I think that's all the relevant stuff.
Anyway, changed into some monstrous tropical floral printed board shorts and went into the pool with everyone else. We went on slides, hung out in the wave pool, I talked with some of the girls who were really very nice and some of them even had the bosoms (some guy from my middle school called them 'the bosoms' it caught on). Around noon we were hanging out in the shallow end of the wave pool when someone noticed that Charlie was missing. We didn't think anything of it until someone suggested that he was in the locker room rocking his rooster (another colourful euphemism). The girls were grossed out, and the boys were laying it on shamefully thick making all kinds of icky jokes.
...and that is how rumours get started.
Charlie got a reputation after that. IMMEDIATELY after that. Like the other guys didn't want to go into the change room with him because he was going to be jerking, after that. Anyway, by Monday at school most people were making jokes and Charlie still didn't know about it. Whispers were everywhere and soon he had essentially earned himself a scarlet letter.
Despite all the rumours and jokes, when Charlie found out he kept his bravado, he made it work. My (alleged) part in all this however, came to light later.
Someone told Charlie that I was the one saying it (juevenile but we were 13) and when he asked me and I denied it, because I really didn't say anything, because the last thing I wanted to talk about was Charlie and his dick, because i didn't like thinking about his dick, because secretly I was breaking the first rule of friendship which states...
Thou shalt not covet thy best friends ass, genitals, chesticles, or body in any appreciable way. This extends to parents and siblings.So yes, secret shame, I liked my (former) best friend. Which was wrong enough (i know what happened to Dawson and Joey)... Anyway it get's very unlady-like after that point. So I should probably leave it for the time being, needless to say it ends up destroying me though...
You're all a bunch of slags,
Duchess Anita Fisten-Botten
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